For the past four or five years, maybe six or seven actually, I have devoured podcasts revolving around business and human betterment. Since I was only a college tennis coach, I really wasn’t sure when the business interviews would come into play, but it was surprising how many of the podcasts had information that could be translated to my teams and their own journey. The human betterment interviews were just compelling, and it made it very clear that if you want something there is pain, strife, and many moments of being uncomfortable. Really, we all know that don’t we? Of course we do. How many of us competed as children or as teens or even in college? I am guessing quite a few. Some of us even chased the dream after college. Those days were awesome. The pain, the fight to gain just a bit of an edge, the glory that came after many attempts with failure attached, and the way we felt doing all of it was just the best feeling ever. Those moments made me. Well, I thought they did anyway.
Life happens. That is what I have told myself. Injury, lack of direction, choices that changed my trajectory, and a lack of focus (or lack of belief) on the dreams in my head. I found my wife, a career, then another career, a child, another career, another career, then finally a comfortable career. Really the first four were just jobs to supply the funds to play. Wanting more but with a lack of direction just led to frustration. All I knew was competing. It is how I was raised, what I loved, and what I needed to get the rush. Even Michelle noticed that was what made me ticked. So, I competed and scratched the itch. There were moments the dream of being great bounced around in the brain and there were fits and starts of serious training.
Then came coaching. A chance to infuse my love of competition onto others. Getting my fix for competition through the efforts of younger legs and better athletes. During a portion of this time I still competed so this seemed like a perfect fix. I endured my own training which guaranteed I felt no sympathy towards the athletes I wanted to be as great as they could. There was no talk about records or results, but the journey to greatness was what I strived to get across. At some point my competing simmered but that was okay because I still had the team. At least that is what I thought. Personal demons are a son of a bitch, and watching others do what you wish you could do just didn’t cut it. The downward spiral was beginning. You know that contraption you see from time to time at restaurants or amusement facilities? The one where you put a penny or a quarter in the slide and it starts at the top of the funnel going in a circle. It wobbles and goes slowly around. As it saunters around the circles become tighter and it begins to go faster. As the funnel closes in the coin spins so fast that it is hard to distinguish where it actually is and then, poof, it falls into the abyss. This is me.
Competing for the pureness of competing is what I love. The pain necessary to do it at the highest level available is what makes me happy. Torturing myself was fun. People thought it was silly that I trained in the heat of the day, worked out the way I did, and put myself in positions that could hinder my health. Well, this is what makes me tick. For me, nobody else. I truly loved seeing what I could do. Fast forward to today and those days are way gone. I’ve hung on to dreams that are like the cup you leave on the top of your car as you head out on a cross country trip. It hangs on for a few miles but once you realize it is gone it is too late to go back and search for the remnants.
Back to the first paragraph and Goggins. The solitude by which he leads his current life isn’t conducive when you have a wife and daughter who you love more than is explainable. My daughter has the gene and it is neat seeing her struggle, fight, and torture herself in pursuits that scare the hell out of me. I have reached the abyss of the spinning funnel and must decide what happens to me when they come to pick up the trappings from the funnel scam. Maybe I can be someone’s lucky quarter in Vegas which would be a lot better than being a penny reshaped into some cheesy throw away souvenir. Being human gives me those choices. Damn, it gives me those choices. Complacency has gotten me here. I need to read my own book, if you watch the interview you will understand, go into my cookie jar and find my greatness again.
Photo by Anastasia Petrova on Unsplash
Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash
Photo by Maarten van den Heuvel on Unsplash
First don't ever say, "I was just a coach!" It would be like me saying I was just a teacher. I think about all the many young children I have had an influence on. Think about how many young men you have help motivate, inspired, and influence to try to be their best.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing...Remember it is NEVER TO LATE!! Example, my high school home economics teacher, now 83 just completed a half marathon. It is never to late to accomplish your dreams or aspirations.
Go after those dreams or help someone else accomplish theirs and do WRITE YOUR OWN BOOK!
Sara
I left off a couple "ed's" on a couple words but you get the idea. :))
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