Cleaning Out the Closet

There is an old saying that espouses Spring is for cleaning. Surely, it has to do with the snow melting, flowers blooming, cleaning up after the dirty winter, and a multitude of other good thoughts about refreshing after a tough winter. Well, we live in Florida, but people still say it. What’s worse, people, my loved ones, want to do it. Alright, it really isn’t that bad, and it is really refreshing to get rid of things that are causing an unnecessary clutter. Still, it is hard getting rid of something that feels like it has a history or even a chance of getting used. This conundrum is my current thought process this evening.

Today was a cleansing day for me personally. Last summer, when I left Florida Southern, I packed up my entire office in one wagon load and stuffed it in my Jeep. Ten years and that was it. I also had one large duffel bag of FSC tennis t-shirts that I was sure I needed at the house. I brought the running shoes, athletic shorts, tennis shoes, and my extra string home. Each of those items has found use over the past nine months. There were also, ten years’ worth of polos, khaki shorts, and long sleeve t-shirts. Each of those has been used repeatedly so there is usefulness to keeping them around. However, the t-shirts have just been hanging out. Some still in the bag and others were stuffed in a drawer out of the way. On a side note, it is amazing how many shirts I had amassed over the past ten years while there. I was sure I would wear them for exercising, out and about, and just as a memento for the time and years I spent, reppin’ the brand.

The road always seems so clear when the initial plan is created. We forget to plan for rubbernecking accidents, bathroom breaks, construction, and other delays along the way. My shirts are about the same. Starting a new career and leaving on such good terms, my thoughts are so positively strong about FSC that I felt keeping the shirts around would allow me to stay connected with happy reminders. The realization that this line of thinking was a bit of a farce, kind of like going to Orlando with no delays. During a moment of Feng Shui, it hit me that the shirts aren’t ever going to get used. Even when I was at FSC, the t-shirts got used for practice time, weight room time, conditioning practices, and casual official capacity moments. Heck, I only brought them home to wash them and then they immediately went back to my office and put back into the rotation.

Were they bothering anything stuck away at the house? Nope, but they weighed on my mind. I know, there are many other important things to ponder on the daily but what can I say. These shirts need to be used and used by people that have an attachment to being a MOC. Before we have a discussion on getting rid of used shirts, let me tell you about these shirts. If I had 70 shirts I had close to 100 t-shirts. A lot of them looked almost brand new. The first-year shirts and many of the second-year shirts have had their useful life extinguished but the remaining eight years were pretty stellar. Why throw away perfectly good threads when some college dude can buy it at the annual rummage sale to wear during his workouts, intramural sports, or Saturday night frat party? This seemed like such an easy solution. There was only one caveat. Was I sure I wouldn’t regret getting rid of my history? Blood, sweat, tears, stories, and memories wrapped up in cotton, dry fit, and multiple Florida Southern logos. The answer, now that I am satisfied with what I did was, yes!

Today was another cathartic day in the progression of moving away from being known as a coach and becoming a REALTOR®. When I arrived on campus for the delivery of past, the present was completely on display. For ten years all my colleagues saw me in shorts, polos, running shoes, and occasionally in jeans. Today, it was a working professional. There were many comments, compliments, and the realization that the switch was complete. Dropping of the shirts to their next owner was much less dramatic emotionally than I thought it might be. Really, it was quite a relief to get them gone and to know that I didn’t have to worry about them taking up space anymore. Getting home tonight I walked into the area where they were stored and looked at the empty spot with a bit of a grin. Also, there was a thought about what was next to go. My personal office at the house is like a museum to what I once was. It is time to show off what I want to be and who I currently am instead of hanging on to so many years ago. It’s too bad we only have one trash day. This Spring cleaning thing feels good.

Hey, grab a garbage bag, drop the emotional attachment, take some digital pictures, and clean your closet and empty your drawers. Oops, that last one sounds a little weird. Happy simplifying.

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Success Comes From Not Quitting When You Fail

Euphoria, excitement, achievement, joy, and accomplishment are just some of the words that we strive to have said to us or that we personally feel when we do something above our normal expectations. We want that feeling and do what we can to achieve it whenever possible. There is only one problem. Striving for something that causes our comfort zone to stretch can also lead to failure. That word can erase any momentum and push us further down the negative rabbit hole. The same words at the beginning are found in smaller ways, detrimental ways, and in activities that, in the long run, cause more harm than good. Failure; the word that makes us feel terrible but really just means you didn’t meet the desired objective. Yes, that sucks, but really, that is all it means. Negative connotations can cause us to do anything necessary to avoid the word failure. We forget that the failure could just be a step towards the overall accomplishment.

When I started over writing this blog, it was because my mind will not shut down. I had just left a career that I had sacrificed so much for, was beginning a journey in my new career, and wanted to tell the stories that bounce around in my cranium daily. Yes, I could easily put them in a word document, save them on my One Drive, and go back and look at them from time to time. Actually, I do write them on a word document, I do not save them on my computer, but I have chosen to just throw them out on a dated platform and allow anybody that might be interested to check them out at their leisure. The exercise of doing this has been cathartic to me and has allowed me to remove many things out of my mind every three days. Some days it just flows out and then there are other days I fight with myself to put the words out properly so as to not be too aggressive, angry, or as my wife says, a smug smartass. Failure, the word that I used to hate but now I try to find it daily, is now something I can visually see every time I put something out for others to judge. Yes, I was a coach for twelve years and was judged on how well my team performed each time they walked through the gate to play. It was easy to see how I did. Whose scorecard got the higher number. It was concrete, quick, and had reward or consequence at the end of each spring.

Since I have left that career I have been further in the shadows than at any other point in my life. As the head coach, my name was associated with the success or failure of the team each time. The problem with that was I never agreed. When the players did great, whether as a team or as an individual, I got credit. I always felt this was stupid. Yes, I recruited the player, but that player used his talent, skill, and desire to succeed to reach those goals. If they failed or the team failed, that is where I came in the picture. What did I do wrong? Could I have suggested a different strategy? Should I have not put the player in that position? Is there a different player that could have done better? These are the moments where I felt I deserved the credit. Yes, I said credit. As a coach, I failed the player at that moment and assisted with causing stress and feeling of failure. I know, I didn’t play for the player when he won, nor did I play for the player when he lost. However, I am the captain of the ship, and when a player fails, the team fails, or goals aren’t achieved, I have failed the team. Maybe the goals were set too high. It could be as simple as I didn’t recruit the right players, or maybe the opponent figured out a weakness that I missed during the coaching sessions. When I coached the success and failure pendulum was not equal.

As I coached longer, the failures weighed heavier and the successes were what was anticipated. Ego is a real son of a bitch, and deep down, I felt that my players could accomplish anything if the belief was strong enough. Since I have left coaching I have found a very good understanding deep within my own psyche. It has taken almost a year, but I have realized that my ego, lack of focus on my own well-being, and the fact that I talked but didn’t show was one of my largest obstacles during that part of my life. Seven weeks ago, I realized I have failed myself, my wife, and my daughter. This failure didn’t happen overnight but took a while. It probably has been happening for multiple years, but for the past ten, I was focused on the revolving roster that was my team while I was a head coach. Since leaving coaching and really needing to focus on myself, I have had the epiphany that I talked a lot, but my action was just at a lower standard. I demanded excellence and showed average. I got fat, stopped competing, and accepted that failure was a stopping point and not a reset. Since that thought thunderbolt many weeks back, the focus on success has been like a laser beam. Not that I will go into too many details at this point, but I am less fat than I was, dreams are reignited, and failure is a test and I pass a lot right now.

I started tonight with words of greatness and positive affirmation. Failure could also be one of those words. The only way we succeed is by pushing the limits, finding them, and then pushing right through that point. It is hard. Actually, it is really hard. Change is uncomfortable and takes us to places we are not sure of. What is funny, many of us don’t want to succeed because if we do, people, friends, and associates will see that and then expect us to be able to do it again. Succeeding repetitively is not easy. Many of us can do it once and afterwards the comfort of achievement takes away the edge and then we decide that once was enough. Goals, achievement steps, and things that stretch our imagination and belief will help conquer that. I am currently working on this goal and I will not lie; there have been a lot of failures so far and I am still less than halfway there. The cool thing is though, I already have the next goal laid out once this first one is achieved. Heck, I may get to go after the next one before this one is completed. Yes, you can go after more than one.

I hope you enjoyed your Sunday. Go fail at something. NASCAR had 39 failures today and the Masters only awarded one green jacket. On two different television channels today, there were a multitude of failures who have all also had a great deal of success. The next week may be their time to write the storybook ending. Who knows? All we can do is put in the effort every day.

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Graduation: Completing One Book and Starting a New One

Some things are engrained deep in our brains. Events, timeframes, and situations that occur around the same time each year. For over 12 years this time of year meant the end of another school year was coming into focus. Conference matches were going hot and heavy, trying to nudge rankings up a bit more, and preparations for the conference tournament were in full effect. There was also the anticipation of regional qualification, finals, graduation, and working on the next class of players that would come in and work towards this time of year. Tonight, is really simple; it is a thought or two for the graduates of the team I left.

Every year I coached I had to evaluate what was needed to move the team forward. The inevitability of players graduating was as automatic as the sun rising and setting on a daily basis. There were times they would graduate early, finish early and stay for the final year while doing an MBA, or stay for the standard four. Of course, the JUCO transfers were only here for two years but there were fewer of them over the decade-plus. Sometimes, there was one graduate, maybe even none, but there were times where there were five or six. Those times were strenuous. As much fun as it was to continually get fresh players to come in and start their own process, it was also sad. When a player comes in and stays for the full time they are allotted the relationship that is built over that time is very important. My guys and their success while on campus was the highest honor I could have as a coach.

Watching your players walk across the stage, receive their diplomas from Dr. Kerr, and then relish the moments with friends and family afterwards was a great treat. Sadness, although selfish, was also a part of that few hours. Realizing that you no longer had their service on the squad and that you would have to find another player to come in and start that process all over again was an emotion that, for that day, had to be pushed off so the joy of the day could be completely taken in. Over the twelve years of coaching, I graduated just over forty-five players. Some are still finding their way in the world, some are continuing the educational process, and some have already completed their terminal degrees. There are business execs, hedge fund managers, tennis pros, a preacher, a few attorneys, an aspiring doctor, accountants, world traveling digital animation creator, bankers, and teachers. The amount of countries and states where they have ended up is also amazing. Some have found success far from home, while others have planted roots near the home where they have grown up. All of them are doing what they love or if not, working towards finding that which will satisfy the needs they have.

These guys, and women I coached, mean so much to me. When I decided to leave this past year, I knew I was leaving that cycle of jubilation and sadness behind. However, I was also leaving players that I had watched flourish, struggle, fight for their spot, and attempt to become the man they wanted. This season, some of those guys are now getting the opportunity they wanted so badly. They have earned the right to be integral parts of the playing team. This honor is something that is never taken lightly. It is definitely earned and is easily snatched away. Learning that success is earned and not given is something that I preached relentlessly while I was at the helm. I am so impressed with the perseverance they have shown, and their willingness to stick it out, even when things weren’t going the way they wanted or expected.

In less than a month, there will be five guys who will have swung a racket at the Wynee Warden Tennis Center for the last time as a MOC. They will walk across the stage and become alumni. The dream of college athletics will have its completion and the next dream will take hold. For some, it will be more schooling, for a couple it will be a master’s or Doctorate, and maybe others will immediately find the first job to cut their teeth in the corporate world. One thing is for sure, I have heard this from every player that I have ever talked to after they have left for a bit, they will miss the team. Each has their own reason. Some hated the structure, but loved the camaraderie, others miss the competition, while others simply miss the mandatory health benefits of being on a highly competitive athletic team. Miguel Alvarez, Derek Bell, Matt Matsuyama, Blaine Miller, and Lance Francisco will be heading into the next step of their lives here shortly. I know that I will be in the RP Funding Center to watch them receive that piece of paper that signifies years of sweat, hours of studying, some really good times, and the hope for their future. There will come a time that I don’t know any of the players on the squad and then that portion of my life will completely be closed, like the last book I finished reading. However, as far as I can tell I have three graduations still to attend. For many of the guys, I don’t think they truly understand how important they were to me and that I treasure them for what they came to me as and what they trained themselves to be when they left Florida Southern College.

I am happy for all of you. Heck, I am proud of all of you and cannot wait to see you all succeed like each of you think you will. That is why I enjoyed all of you. Your belief in yourselves made the motivation easier. Finish strong, study hard, and enjoy the remaining time. You will miss it.

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Van Halen and Aerosmith Sang About Them

First Happy Easter!! Wait, if you don’t celebrate Easter, Happy Sunday. Also, for all you pranksters, you had your day today. What a momentous day for so many groups. This is what they mean when they talk about inclusion for all groups. Michelle and I were out early this morning at the barn and passed a couple of sunrise services. After that, we had some real estate work to handle and saw some cute little Easter outfits, people grabbing some great family time at McDonald’s, really, oh well that is your prerogative, and others were running to and fro like it was a normal day. Everyone was living their dream for the day. Or, were they living it for someone else?

Oh, the dreams of man and how they drive us crazy. In a quote attributed to Sigmund Freud, he stated, “Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy.” There are times that this must have been most of the people I have known throughout my years. You may have been one of those people, or heck, you may have made fun of the person who had the crazy dream. It has been a quandary of mine for many years; why do we belittle, make fun of, or cheer against those that have these outlandish dreams? Is it really that important that the person with the dream stay grounded to equal where we are? Dreams may be big, small, personal, group-oriented, outlandish, or even mundane. The cool thing about each dream and person they are attached to is that they are that individual’s dream. No one else’s. If you have never had a dream, I feel bad for you. It can be as simple as dreaming about a simple day off, enjoying a sunrise or sunset at your favorite beach with your favorite person, having a day where you can do whatever it is that tickles your fancy, or being able to go to a show that has been something you wanted to see. For others, the dreams are bigger, crazier, more outlandish, and even a bit larger than life. You know, like shooting your Tesla into space, creating a watch that answers phone calls, building businesses that are leaders in their industry, or achieving something that is so personal and far out that even friends and family think you may need professional help. These latter dreams and those like it are the ones that I battle within my own mind. There are so many things that excite me. Pictures dance through my head, how it looks are concrete in my mind, but the dream is just that, a dream. There is no plan, follow through, or idea of the first step so the dream remains a dream and never becomes a goal.

I love seeing people chase the dreams. I am a sucker for the motivational story of the person who has achieved what they set their mind to and the story they tell. I know the possibility is there. They are attainable. I understand that chasing the dream causes pain, that you may lose friends, you may have to separate yourself from family that you love, you may have to leave behind things you think you like, and you may have to start it alone. All of that is understandable; I get it and feel it inside. Then, I put it on the back burner because the truth of the current status overwhelms the dream and it falls into the crevices. It simmers, steams, and occasionally visits from time to time. Maya Mendoza stated, “No amount of security is worth the suffering of a mediocre life chained to a routine that has killed your dreams.” My life is awesome, but I get the gist of the quote. I have chased many of the dreams that I have had. Many failed because of a lack of talent, some were accomplished, and others, once the journey started, were realized that it really wasn’t a dream I wanted to “burn the boats over.” Maybe, that is part of the problem. I have been so fortunate through my 45 years. I have gotten to do so many things, seen so many cool places, competed at an elevated level in a couple of arenas, and watched others that I am close to chase dreams they have desired. That problem is; I know that if you put the work in, the time, and the dedication you can go after it and see where it takes you. Dreams can come true and they can knock you flat on your face. Damn, it is a great ride though.

Currently, my dreams are a bit more simplistic. For the past many years, we have allowed our daughter to shape her dream(s) and let her see where they may take her. The personal itch of the persistent dream is beginning to rear its head again deep inside my emotions. For someone with dreams that have been put on the bench, they don’t go away. We can work around them, push them off, and even tell ourselves that they weren’t that important. Here’s the issue: if they keep popping up in your thoughts they must mean something, and they will haunt you until it is achieved or at least tried and failed. Yes, my dreams are now getting to that point. Today is the first day of the second quarter of the year. The first quarter was awesome, opened some eyes, and showed what was possible. As Cole Trickle said in Days of Thunder, “Harry, I’m dropping the hammer.” Harry told him no and he did it anyway. Sometimes you must go with your gut and hope that the tires can handle your pressure.

Enjoy your week, re-introduce yourself to your dreams, and let’s go. The best that happens is you reach it and the worst that happens is you try again.

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