Success Comes From Not Quitting When You Fail

Euphoria, excitement, achievement, joy, and accomplishment are just some of the words that we strive to have said to us or that we personally feel when we do something above our normal expectations. We want that feeling and do what we can to achieve it whenever possible. There is only one problem. Striving for something that causes our comfort zone to stretch can also lead to failure. That word can erase any momentum and push us further down the negative rabbit hole. The same words at the beginning are found in smaller ways, detrimental ways, and in activities that, in the long run, cause more harm than good. Failure; the word that makes us feel terrible but really just means you didn’t meet the desired objective. Yes, that sucks, but really, that is all it means. Negative connotations can cause us to do anything necessary to avoid the word failure. We forget that the failure could just be a step towards the overall accomplishment.

When I started over writing this blog, it was because my mind will not shut down. I had just left a career that I had sacrificed so much for, was beginning a journey in my new career, and wanted to tell the stories that bounce around in my cranium daily. Yes, I could easily put them in a word document, save them on my One Drive, and go back and look at them from time to time. Actually, I do write them on a word document, I do not save them on my computer, but I have chosen to just throw them out on a dated platform and allow anybody that might be interested to check them out at their leisure. The exercise of doing this has been cathartic to me and has allowed me to remove many things out of my mind every three days. Some days it just flows out and then there are other days I fight with myself to put the words out properly so as to not be too aggressive, angry, or as my wife says, a smug smartass. Failure, the word that I used to hate but now I try to find it daily, is now something I can visually see every time I put something out for others to judge. Yes, I was a coach for twelve years and was judged on how well my team performed each time they walked through the gate to play. It was easy to see how I did. Whose scorecard got the higher number. It was concrete, quick, and had reward or consequence at the end of each spring.

Since I have left that career I have been further in the shadows than at any other point in my life. As the head coach, my name was associated with the success or failure of the team each time. The problem with that was I never agreed. When the players did great, whether as a team or as an individual, I got credit. I always felt this was stupid. Yes, I recruited the player, but that player used his talent, skill, and desire to succeed to reach those goals. If they failed or the team failed, that is where I came in the picture. What did I do wrong? Could I have suggested a different strategy? Should I have not put the player in that position? Is there a different player that could have done better? These are the moments where I felt I deserved the credit. Yes, I said credit. As a coach, I failed the player at that moment and assisted with causing stress and feeling of failure. I know, I didn’t play for the player when he won, nor did I play for the player when he lost. However, I am the captain of the ship, and when a player fails, the team fails, or goals aren’t achieved, I have failed the team. Maybe the goals were set too high. It could be as simple as I didn’t recruit the right players, or maybe the opponent figured out a weakness that I missed during the coaching sessions. When I coached the success and failure pendulum was not equal.

As I coached longer, the failures weighed heavier and the successes were what was anticipated. Ego is a real son of a bitch, and deep down, I felt that my players could accomplish anything if the belief was strong enough. Since I have left coaching I have found a very good understanding deep within my own psyche. It has taken almost a year, but I have realized that my ego, lack of focus on my own well-being, and the fact that I talked but didn’t show was one of my largest obstacles during that part of my life. Seven weeks ago, I realized I have failed myself, my wife, and my daughter. This failure didn’t happen overnight but took a while. It probably has been happening for multiple years, but for the past ten, I was focused on the revolving roster that was my team while I was a head coach. Since leaving coaching and really needing to focus on myself, I have had the epiphany that I talked a lot, but my action was just at a lower standard. I demanded excellence and showed average. I got fat, stopped competing, and accepted that failure was a stopping point and not a reset. Since that thought thunderbolt many weeks back, the focus on success has been like a laser beam. Not that I will go into too many details at this point, but I am less fat than I was, dreams are reignited, and failure is a test and I pass a lot right now.

I started tonight with words of greatness and positive affirmation. Failure could also be one of those words. The only way we succeed is by pushing the limits, finding them, and then pushing right through that point. It is hard. Actually, it is really hard. Change is uncomfortable and takes us to places we are not sure of. What is funny, many of us don’t want to succeed because if we do, people, friends, and associates will see that and then expect us to be able to do it again. Succeeding repetitively is not easy. Many of us can do it once and afterwards the comfort of achievement takes away the edge and then we decide that once was enough. Goals, achievement steps, and things that stretch our imagination and belief will help conquer that. I am currently working on this goal and I will not lie; there have been a lot of failures so far and I am still less than halfway there. The cool thing is though, I already have the next goal laid out once this first one is achieved. Heck, I may get to go after the next one before this one is completed. Yes, you can go after more than one.

I hope you enjoyed your Sunday. Go fail at something. NASCAR had 39 failures today and the Masters only awarded one green jacket. On two different television channels today, there were a multitude of failures who have all also had a great deal of success. The next week may be their time to write the storybook ending. Who knows? All we can do is put in the effort every day.

Photo by John-Mark Smith on Unsplash
Photo by Ben Cliff on Unsplash