36 - 42

A couple of weeks ago I woke up realizing I was turning 49 in less than a month. No, I am not worried about getting older, I was pumped because I was turning 49 and how cool it was to be a prime number. Oops, about three seconds later I realized that 49 is not a prime number and that neat phenomena wasn’t going to happen until I turn 53. However, the fact that 49 can be divided equally into 7 equal parts of 7 led me to realize that, with some minor overlap, my life has really worked well in the 7-year increments. So, to appease my own curiosity and to cathartically get it out, I decided to write about each of my 7-year segments leading up to turning 49. 

As I sat down this evening to pen this addition of 0-49, I realized this is the penultimate edition.  Tomorrow morning, I will wake up being the age that started this whole stream of consciousness.  This span was fairly awesome.  Between racing, watching Brianna become a young gymnast, then transitioning to horses, and then moving to chasing others’ dreams versus my own, this seven-year span had a lot.

During the 2008 year I was just finishing up my first full year at Florida Southern.  The men’s program had made it to the finals of Regionals against a Lynn University program that had a relentless coach with some very skilled coaching tools, that as a newer coach, I just could not figure out how to counter.  As sad as the season ending that way was, it was great to be a part of such a good team.  Michelle and I were approaching our 8^th wedding anniversary and Brianna was going to Florida Flips for gymnastics.  With me commuting to FSC almost every day, I spent a lot of time with Brianna in the mornings.  Michelle and the grandparents would handle the afternoons.  I missed a lot and would continue that trend all the way through her youth.  I justified my desire to coach at that level and that distance from home by taking Brianna to school as often as I could and sneaking time on the rare afternoon to watch her gymnastics practice.  There was also this phrase that I repeated often, “She thinks all dads travel and aren’t around because it is all she knows.”  The only real benefit that came from me being away early and back late was that Brianna and Michelle developed an utterly amazing relationship.

Racing was still a huge part of my extracurricular activities.  We even purchased a travel trailer so that we could camp at the races.  During the 2008 season, at 36 years old, I probably had the most successful racing season.  I was racing with the kids in the 200c class and finished 3^rd in the series.  It was a blast.  From Chipley to south of Okeechobee and all parts in between, we camped and raced around 14 times that year.  To say my wife is a bad ass is really an understatement.  She would work all week, manage the ever-growing schedule of Brianna, and then pack the camper, hook up the trailer, and drive it to races.  She did this so I could coach and travel with my team.  There were multiple times that I would drive her car to races late Saturday night after coming off the road with the team, crawl into the bed in the camper, and then get up and race on Sunday afternoon.  She did all of this for me and for us, as a family, to have some fun.  During the fall, Brianna would have her gymnastics competitions and there were times that I would have competing races on the same weekend.  Of course, being the selfish person I was, I would go race and call to see how the event was going.  There were times that I would sneak over to the competition and then go back to the track to race my race.  To this day, I am thankful that these two ladies loved me as much as they did. 

From 37 – 40 I was stagnant.  I raced as much as I could but it kind of tapered off due to economic conditions that we created on our own.  FSC was my home away from home as I continued to coach.  Brianna was still involved in gymnastics but there was a transition that occurred for her that would shift a lot of our resources and time for many years to come.  Michelle was still teaching, I was coaching, Brianna was going to Babson Park Elementary, and life seemed normal.  We volunteered at the school for as much stuff as we could, went to races as much as possible, and did family events a lot.  We all lived so close together that family activities just seemed the norm.  When I was 39, I had transitioned to racing in the Senior classes and was racing in a spottier fashion.  Brianna was becoming a rather good gymnasts but had been introduced to the potential of taking some horse lessons from her grandma.  She was hooked but there was no way that we could manage 4 to 5 days of gymnastics and horse lessons.  Oh, the things we do for the love of our kids.

Brianna came to me one day and said she wanted to quit gymnastics and only do horses.  Suddenly, I had a flashback to the day I forced my quitting of BMX racing so many years ago.  We talked about being a part of a team, she was on the competition team for Florida Flips, and how you had to see the season through.  She understood and trained and competed her heart out.  I will never forget her last competition.  She did well and even podiumed a couple of events.  After the event was over, she came over to me and told me she was done, and she was going to start riding horses.  Everything started so innocently.  The first day we went to Rocking W Ranch to meet Kathy Grinstead, a wonderful coach for Brianna for many years, Michelle and I realized what we were getting ourselves into.  Kathy was going over the paperwork and she looked up at Michelle and me and stated, “Are you okay with your daughter doing something more dangerous than racing motorcycles?”  Brianna looked up and said, “Hey dad, I’ll be doing something more dangerous than what you do!”  Yeah me!!  Of course, I’m okay, but damn, do I really have to worry about my 9-year-old daughter being trampled every day from here on out?  Slowly but surely, we were spending more and more time at the training facility.  We started with two days, quickly to three, and before we knew it, we were there six days a week.  She started competing in 4H shows and that added even more to the mix. 

Economically, this was a tough ask for our little family.  Michelle would pick her up or her great-grandparents would take her and stay for the hours she was with the horses.  Michelle and I tried to have fun, but time was becoming quite the enemy.  I was approaching 40 and life seemed like it was about to stop.  Michelle and I went and did an adventure run right before my 40^th birthday.  The next month, while partnering with Michelle’s parents, we purchased H&W Stables.  You see, we now had two horses and it would be easier if we had our own place.  Yeah right!!  I know it seems weird to say, but you just know when there is a passion for something.  Brianna had found it.  She was skilled, driven, and worked non-stop to learn the skills she needed and then learn more.  She was riding every day.  That worked out great because from the day we purchased the Stable we worked there every day.  To be quite honest, in the beginning it was incredible to rebuild the facility, pastures, fences, and to see the place looking absolutely beautiful.  It was also beneficial for Brianna and all the other little girls that boarded horses or that came out to ride because they could ride all day and into the night.  There probably is something to that 10,000-hour rule.  As much as I was so glad to see her honing her skills and becoming an incredible horse person, inside I felt like I was losing my own identity. 

40 came and went, racing was almost in the rear-view mirror, and Florida Southern was my only refuge from the slog of taking care of the barn.  I completely understood the benefit of having such a wonderful facility for Brianna to become the rider she could, but I could not and still have not gotten over all the things that I was missing.  Our social life was limited to anything that could happen at the barn.  I stopped visiting my parents, going to see the few friends I had, going to races to participate, or even just going to watch races.  If this was my 40’s I really didn’t want to participate.  While I was still working at FSC, Michelle was transitioning from being an elementary school teacher to being a full-time real estate agent at her parent’s office.  Our time together was already limited because of my schedule and now between barn responsibilities, her new career path, and Brianna’s need to be at the barn from the time school got out until we forced her to leave late into the evening, our lives were not ours. 

There were some amazing things that occurred because of Brianna’s passion and work ethic.  She was asked to teach lessons, which was awesome, but due to her young age, either me, Michelle, or one of the grandparents had to accompany her there, wait, and then bring her home.  Our life had gone from serving our wants and desires to serving the needs of one.  However, she was amazing.  She was riding so many horses of different varieties and different disciplines that her skills just skyrocketed.  I will never forget that one day, while riding her grandma’s horse, she decided that she wanted to take jumping lessons.  Well, that led to a new coach and a new discipline called eventing.  Although my life as I knew it and the life I enjoyed was over, I was watching the transformation of my daughter as she ventured into this new, exciting, and somewhat dangerous world of three-day eventing.  I will never get back the time I lost chasing others’ dreams for them, but I also can tell you that my daughter would not be the lady she is today had I not.  As I write this this evening she is living in Citra, she competed on her horse today, and managed multiple horses for the owners that she works for.  Not bad for an 18-year-old girl with a dream and a lack of fear.  I hope I instilled some of that in her.  I know her mom did!

We wrap it up tomorrow as we go through 43-49!