Wisdom will get you Attention

Attention; that word evokes multiple emotions, thoughts, and conversations. It doesn’t matter what you are talking about, watching on television, tapping in the search bar on your computer, or texting to your best friend. Somewhere, somehow, someone is getting attention. It can be bad, good, or just time passing. It can also be where you are putting all your time to reach a goal.

This word came up tonight. Not the word specifically, but the conversation centered around what was trying to be attracted. Attention was what was needed. Whether or not we want it, at times we are the center of someone’s attention. For a lot of us that is our goal. We want to be the center of the world for a person, a group of people, an organization, or for the minute few, an entire world. Having attention can be hard to handle for some, the drug that is needed for others, and an inconvenience for some that have become the center by circumstance.

When we are loved unconditionally the attention from the other is all we ever want. I heard a wise woman say, “I have had all the love I ever needed, and I will need nothing more.” Everyday, the attention was centered around her happiness, her goals, and her mission for that day. For the media hound the attention must be drawn in by remarks. What can be said, shown, or provoked to gain the attention that is strived for? Is it wrong? No way. If it can be gained it is a shared experience. Someone gives themselves by putting themselves out there. The bait has been cast out, with the bobber attached. As it floats around the sender sees nibbles bounce the bobber and then, with a flourish the bobber is under. We have a connection. Parts of the bait may flake off and more grab for a piece of it. This is exactly what was wanted when the cast hit the water. If the bobber sits there too long another place (comment, post, picture) must be tried. It is never a solo act. Someone puts the information forward and then it is absorbed by the interested parties.

Both above attentions are shared experiences where two willing parties get and accept what they want. Unconditional love and unabashed recognition. However, there are times that attention is given for the wrong reasons. Maybe you don’t dress right, speak properly, fit the mold of the masses, or vary your interests too much for the common core. Why does being an individual draw attention to those who want to be in the shadows? For some, they act in a way to gain the attention but for most they are happy in their own little world and don’t care if you visit or stay on your own planet. Why can’t we just let them stay there? Why must we care so much that we give them attention to draw out what they are trying so hard to hide? Truly, it is because we want the attention ourselves. Think about when you did something that everyone was opposed to you doing. When they spoke against you what did you do? Of course, you did it more. You were getting people to pay attention to you so why not continue doing it. As soon as the same people got bored or accepted your “stupidity” it wasn’t as fun as it was when everyone hated it.

Most of us lead lives that don’t put us in the public eye often. We are good with that. We have our core friends, associates, and acquaintances who like us for who we are and who accept our flaws as quirks that make us who we are. For those who are willing to put themselves out there for the attention they crave; you have two choices. Give it to them or ignore them. That’s it. Either play into it or not. If you don’t like it, shut up and move on. If you like it, support it with fervor. Don’t play both sides. There are way too many things that need your attention that if you don’t like what they are offering you’ve got plenty to spend your time on them.

This whole thought process came out of a great family dinner this evening. Elderly wisdom is something none of us can gain until we get there. Listening to them explain their love, love lost, and the thought processes of the one’s they surround themselves with really makes one think about their own existence. If you ever have the opportunity it would really benefit you to pay them as much attention as you can. Sometimes it is frustrating, mind numbing, and even repetitive, but it will open cracks in your thought processes that will make you wonder how important your iPhone really is. Enjoy them while they are here and learn from them as much as you can. They like your attention, but they are not likely to beg you for it.

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Quiet Saturday Night

What’s going on tonight? Dinner with the family, date night with your hottie, or maybe even someone else’s hottie, NFL playoffs, another sports game, and the options are endless. Saturday night is the night to unwind. I’ve seen a lot lately about old high school stuff. Friday and Saturday nights were let your hair down nights. No school, parties to find, parking lots to loiter in, and girls to try to pick up. We get older and those things change.

For some of us, high school was a long time ago, but those memories, as foggy as they may be, can pop up. A lot of the places don’t even exist anymore, we can afford to buy better beverages, and staying out that late, for most of us, isn’t appealing at all. Don’t get me wrong, those times were great and the people who made them great haven’t completely disappeared from the mind. Time moves on, hangovers hurt more than they used to, and Saturday nights look a little different for most.

To be honest, I didn’t really know what I wanted to write about tonight. It was a standard Saturday, killing a little time at the barn while completing a few tasks before feeding to come home again. Except, tonight, the same group of girls that were at the barn riding, training, having fun, and trail riding have somehow ended up at my little domicile. I find myself locked away in my room, doing this and watching less than stellar television. There is supercross on, but I have decided to tape it, so we can watch it as a family tomorrow night. Oh, how times have changed. The girls are doing what girls do. Phones and television going at the same time. They have big plans and know that I have big plans for the morning. As long as we all end up on the same page, I say, have at it.

The television shows aren’t getting any better and I just don’t want to write anymore. Have a great night, enjoy your family, kiss the one’s you love, and for God’s sake; stop posting stuff to remind us how old we all are. Pretty soon we will be eating dinner at 4:30 and offering traveling salesmen drinks at our door at 10:30 in the morning. Enjoy your youth while you can.

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Bravado, Heart, and Belief -- A Story About A Former Player from FSC -- CJ Johnson

There is a piece missing from my life. The funny thing is, that piece is continuing like nothing ever happened. It continues with full force and moves on knowing time moves on and memories end up in stat books. The Florida Southern Mocs men’s tennis team will start their assault on another season at the start of February. For the first time in ten years I will not be there to battle with them. As saddening as this may sound I am excited for them. A new coach, new goals, fresh players, and goals set by each to strive for. The other day I touched on seasons but tonight I am going back in the archives to speak about another player who made an impact on and off the court. Today he is still doing it.

When I came to Florida Southern I was left with a talented team. Skillful players on the court and even better men off. As I arrived and began the process of meeting the players there were freshman who wandered in with parents. Who the hell is this guy that is taking over from the coach who had recruited us? We don’t know anything about him? What’s he like, he doesn’t know why the other coach brought me here or why I chose here. All of this was true. Enter CJ Johnson. A brash, lanky young man from Melbourne. He was your typical American hotshot. Let me digress a moment. If you have ever dealt with teenagers from America and teenagers from across the pond there are a multitude of culture differences. This is not a negative remark to my countryman, just a factual telling of the difference in maturity at a particular age. Okay, back to the story. CJ was what you call, a recruited walk-on. The former coach was interested and so was CJ. There was a family history at Florida Southern as well.

Introductions were made, and small talk had been completed. It was time to let the freshman be freshman and boy were they good at it. The American tradition of going to college has been documented multiple times so there is no need to re-iterate it here. CJ was a hard-core freshman. If there was a party, he was there. Event on campus, he was there. Oh yeah, we have tennis as well. Being from Florida, there is a certain arrogance that goes along with being a player of certain stature. CJ had been one of those Florida players and was anticipating the transition to FSC to be his next step to greatness. Well, the team his freshman year was fairly stacked. The number one player on the roster was ranked as high as number three in the country. The number one doubles team was ranked as high as number one. Getting into the line-up would be hard, if not impossible. The one thing about Florida arrogance is usually it is followed by bravado. Not many players have the capacity to back that up. CJ tried. He did get into six singles matches his freshman year and posted a 5-1 record. Not bad for a walk-on.

His sophomore year was the break out year. To say he was a challenge would be an understatement. He knew he should play, had the bravado to back it up, and had the game to answer the question. His on-court demeanor stated strongly that he was here to win. His game spoke loudly by itself but there were moments his brain screamed from his vocal chords. I learned that when you truly believe something is worth fighting for, you fight, even when you use your good chips. CJ was worth fighting for. I liked the kid and fought the fight necessary to keep him alive on the team. Not for me, for him. I had plenty of bullets to put in for the next round. He needed to be re-packed and given another shot to hit the target. Spring rolled around, and he hit that target. Playing number 5 and 6 he went 12-5 on the season. He was a warrior. There was not a time that he walked on the court and thought he didn’t have a shot at victory. His doubles record wasn’t as stellar at 10-12 but 12 of the 22 matches were at number one and two. Remember, he was a walk-on who had been given a chance.

During his junior year his role shifted a bit. Again, the brain took a break and a massive effort was put forth to let the fight continue on the court. During this time there was also a sense of maturity that began to spring forth. The arrogance was there, but his belief system is what kept him going. This season wasn’t his greatest in singles. We had a return visit from one of the past greats, so CJ got pushed off the singles grid a bit. He still managed to go 4-4 in his limited role but his doubles was spectacular that season. He played number two and three doubles and amassed a 11-5 record. The outstanding part was that he and his partner only lost to one unranked team the entire season. Doubles gave him a partner. This was motivation. A person to outplay, pick up, and get fired up with. This worked well for CJ. His intensity and desire also led to a few funny moments. When you have a weapon, you use it until it’s empty. Sometimes the best weapon misfires. During a competitive match at number three, CJ gave me a smile instead of a brain cramp. You see, CJ had a great kick serve. For you non-tennis types it is a serve that has a lot of top spin and side spin on it and when it hits the courts, it proceeds to bounce off a different direction. CJ had a good one and he used it as a weapon. On this day, at the old courts, which is now George’s Green, it went a bit awry. His second serve was so good that he often used it as his first serve. So, he set up and we all knew what was coming. Except we didn’t. He tossed the ball up, let it settle to its spot, aggressively swung the racket, and bang it was off. Oh yeah, it was off. It was about 20 to 25 feet in the air and cleared the back fence. It was so high that it hit the top facade of the Berry Citrus Building. A serve that was aimed to go about fifty feet went about 100 feet. No worries. His serve was so good and grooved he would nail it on the second attempt. He did. Again, he tossed the ball, let it settle, and aggressively swung the racket up through the motion. This time it was a beauty. Had we been back on the old four courts he may have hit a home run on the softball complex. The ball rocketed off the frame and this time it didn’t hit the building, it cleared it. For the average player there would be trepidation. For CJ, it became a challenge to serve better the next time. He did.

As we headed into CJ’s senior year it was time for change. He joined a fraternity, had direction, and silenced the mouth and free-range brain he had used the first three years. There was talk of law school, possible politics, and some tennis business left to attend to. He was an important part of the singles line-up but did not have the record he wanted. He lost three tight three setters against ranked players, won four of his last five matches, which included beating three ranked players, but only finished with a record of 9-11. Again, his doubles shined. With multiple partners, he played number two doubles and he and his partners defeated seven ranked teams, which led to a 14-8 record. There was no drama, only sheer will to never lose, even when the other player was the better player.

When you coach, you love all your players. Yes, you love them. They mean everything to you, you want the best for them, and sometimes you wish you could crawl in their brains and flip switches. CJ never had the best record, but he definitely had intangibles. He never once believed that he was not going to win a match. He never thought he should be out of the line-up, and he became aware enough to learn from issues so that they wouldn’t be repeated. He tried multiple issues, but never repeated them. That’s called learning. CJ did go onto law school. He graduated and passed the bar. He is a practicing attorney and does magnificent work while practicing near his hometown. He also ran for city council. This fits him perfectly. Although he was not successful, he attacked it with the same tenacity he did his tennis game. CJ was a warrior that I will never forget. We still communicate and whenever I am in the Melbourne area I always go eat at his family’s restaurant. If you are ever in the Melbourne area, make sure you stop in at Memaw’s BBQ. You will not be disappointed. That is the same way I felt about having CJ on the team.

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Seasons

We appear to be having a bit of a real Florida winter for a bit. There usually are a couple days in a row of chilly weather but then it is abruptly back into the 70’s and life in Florida is back to normal. This time, winter has decided to stick around for a whole week. People are miserable, water is freezing in places that it normally doesn’t, and for God sakes there was even snow in northern Florida. Seasons are something we skip most of the time in our sunshine state and as warm weather lovers we are excited about the seasonal skip. Why? We love seasons. The new season of our favorite show, the football season, racing season, school, and on and on. Seasons are important. They give us something to look forward to each year.

Tonight, is the start of the supercross season. The opener occurs in Anaheim and is a who’s who of stars and includes the world’s best riders. It is also the Roar before the 24 in Daytona. That means that the 24 Hours of Daytona is right around the corner and the IMSA racing series is just about to get under way. Golf starts their new season in the fall, but the true new season kicks off with the tournament of champions in Hawaii. Football is in the playoffs and there is one more game in the college season. Seasons give us hope. All the people involved are full of hope. They all think they are the best and have a great shot of winning. The work has been done, the prep completed, and the talking is over. Everyone thought they had a shot but now we find out who the real deal is.

For twelve years of my life I lived by seasons. As a tennis coach we had our fall season and our spring season. Fall was a chance for the players to work on aspects of their game, play tournaments for themselves, and to prove the work they did in the off season was for real. The spring season was the one that paid the bills. We started with pre-season training in January and the first match began in February. From there it was non-stop until the end of April or the middle of May. That depended on how strong the season went.

Seasons are important for athletes, businesses, and us during our normal life. Athletes use periodization to reach the peak performance at the right time. They have pre-season, in-season, post-season, and even a rest season. Businesses go through the same process. They have marketing, sales, follow up, and then the analysis of the process. Farmers go through it with each planting. We have our seasons. Each of us has our own goals, dreams, and then we make our plans to get to the end of the goal. Once it is achieved or failure occurs we adjust and prepare to tackle it again or adjust our plan to a different goal. A season can last years, months, or even just a few weeks.

This is the first year in a long time that I get to determine my seasons. I don’t have to worry about the weather, the condition of the athletes, or the level of the competition we would be playing against. It is a change that I have embraced but will definitely miss. These days my seasons look a little different but in the end, I still want to win.

Next week the weather here in Florida moderates and our winter season takes a break. I hope you enjoy your seasons and embrace the importance of each of them on your journey. The funny thing is, seasons come and then they go. You have the opportunity to make it better the next time or accept what the seasons give you. Good luck during your season and make the best of each moment.

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Just Reading and Listening

Today is January 2nd. For many, it is the second day of life changing goals and for many more, it is the second day of all the fluff they have told themselves. This isn’t about that. We make our own paths and really, none of us should judge the decisions, or lack thereof. This is the second day of 365 that create the calendar year but if you really want to change there is not a need to be boxed in by twelve sheets of paper.

Day one, you decide to make the change. That sounds great. I had the opportunity to listen to a podcast the other day which puts the word decide in a completely new light. Here is the riddle: If five frogs are sitting on a lily pad and one decides to jump off how many frogs are left sitting on the lily pad? The answer appears so simple because when we think about deciding we think that means we are doing it. The actual answer is five. You see, deciding to do something and doing it are two different things. If you decide to lose weight, it means that you have had a thought, discussion, contemplation, and a mental desire to make that happen. The actual work and start of the process begins the first day you alter your eating habits.

Another thing I just finished was the book The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. It started a little slow but that only built the story. The main premise of the book is that it takes time for changes to be seen, whether they are good or bad changes. That is why it is so hard to make changes for the positive throughout our lives. We don’t see the change for a long time, so we must decide whether we keep going or just quit. There is an adage that states, “A person is not a static being. We are either getting better or worse every day.” The Slight Edge says that the small positive decisions we make everyday compound upon one another to make the change permanent or create a better situation for us. The same thing happens if we make small bad decisions each day. There is a part in the book that says something to the effect that having the fast food burger won’t kill you today. At least not today, but later.

We do all we can to control the environment we place ourselves in daily. The job we choose to have, yes, you do choose your job, the friends we keep, the places we go, and on and on. Can we cuss our circumstances? Of course, we can. Does it help? Sometimes it makes us feel better only to soothe our pained heart. According to the book, by making a small choice differently each day, over a period of time, we can better our lives. Like the frogs, we cannot just decide to do something we have to do it. There are times circumstances throw us a curve ball. There may be a flight delay due to an equipment change, maybe the line at Subway was longer than you wanted, or maybe it is colder than you like. All of these things pass. How you handle them decides your day and whether your slight edge curve goes up or down.

Be wise, breathe, and let your decisions compound in a positive fashion each time.

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It Is What It Is! Ha Ha!

“The days are long, and the years are short,” I don’t know who to attribute it to and it really isn’t important for this. Some people will say they had an incredible year and, yet a larger group will state that they cannot wait for the new year because it must be better than what they were presented with this year. Maybe they just needed longer days and a bit longer year. I jest, but really, is a calendar date going to magically create a clean slate and a perfect potion for your new year? Poof, it is day one so all that bad shit you did, happened to you, was caused by you is released and you can be perfect now. How incredibly naïve a thought process this is. The funny thing is millions will feel that way Monday morning, maybe Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning, and at the first sign on their yearly normal they will denounce that this is exactly like the last year. No kidding, all that grandiose joy and betterment doesn’t happen because the hour of programming is over, you actually have to work for it.

Some of us want more money, less weight, better relationships, increased productivity, better health, etc., etc., and on and on. I love all that stuff. I spent twelve years watching athletes say they wanted something more than they had and I watched the select few go do the work to make it happen. There was nothing wrong with the guys that didn’t do the work. They were awesome guys who I loved like my own kid. They stated something that they truly didn’t believe, something they thought I or others wanted to hear, or a dream that truly didn’t have a plan. Hard work is hard and most of us feel we work hard most of the time. Why in the world would we want to work harder to try something and still have the possibility that it won’t work? That is the rub. Why attempt to better an aspect of our lives, go through the necessary changes, the pain, the ridicule, and fail? I cannot answer that question. I have been on both sides. I have attempted something large, put in significant effort and failed and I have also been content fibbing to myself about what I want and putting no effort in at all.

As the words land on this page I find myself becoming more pissed with every keystroke. I used to sit in my office at Florida Southern and grill my guys on their future. We delved deep. What did they want from tennis, classes, education, career, and beyond. I prodded, poked, and at times almost harassed them to want more. I sat there and demanded excellence and then stayed mediocre in my own existence. They are all doing great. I begged them to chase their dreams and not worry if they changed mid-course. Many have done just that. Finally, I took my own advice and jumped from the comfortable perch. Crash! Like the bird that left the nest too soon I find myself flailing around. Occasionally I get a little air, but it hurts to crash so frequently. There is pain either way. Through progress there is pain and through staying put there is pain. If the bird doesn’t eventually fight through the pain of bouncing off the ground, he becomes a meal. The same fate falls to us if we let it. We bounce off the concrete of our troubles, our laziness, our ineptness, and we believe it is our fate. We become tired and flap violently but never move. If we give in, we can survive for a bit by just walking around. Eventually, the world swallows us up and we go back to what we know. Bitterness, disbelief that anything can change, and the best phrase: “that’s just how it is.”

Fight, dammit, fight. It is hard. It isn’t always fun. Your “friends” will cheer you to a point but really don’t want you to get better because you will exit the nest if you succeed. All this is true, but if your goal is truly something you want, your why is unwavering, and you know that you will be better for it once you have reached it; you must fight for it. Through the struggles, the missed moments (yes, you will miss moments), the naysayers, and whatever else is thrown your way if your why can sustain you there will be a chance you succeed. What, there is only a chance? Yep, and that is why most of us don’t try. Why would I put myself out there if I don’t know 100% that it will work? The best answer I ever came up with when discussing this with the players was this: You will be better than you were, and you can always regroup, re-strategize, and reestablish your goal with a different plan. It kind of sucks but that is the best. Was it Yoda who said, “Do or don’t do there is no try.”? That is so true, because we are going to succeed or fail. Oh shoot, I said that word, fail. Get over it. Fail, fail, fail, and keep failing. All that means is that you are doing. You cannot fail if you don’t do. You also cannot succeed.

If you are happy with it all keep plugging away. If there is an aspect that you want to change, do it. Heck, don’t wait until the champagne, hangover, hog jowls, black-eyed peas, and collard greens. Do it now. Impossible right! I guess that depends on your why. Have a great 2018 and go out and fail. You’ll be better than you were and that will be awesome to see on social media for the rest of us.

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Home for the Holidays

Oh, the Holidays are in full swing. Meals, gifts, late nights, meals, parties, a few drinks, and family. We are fortunate to live near a majority of our family and have the opportunity to see all of them multiple times a year. Still, the holidays get us all together over a few days span to laugh, eat, play, and even disagree about things. We have old, middle-aged, teens, and young’uns. Like a lot of families, we have lost a few key members and there will always be a large void that cannot be replaced. However, we continue with traditions and festivities because none of them would want it any other way. Our family is awesome, diverse, strange, funny, habitual, and like your own family, the best there is.

The group that gets to see each other regularly include Michelle, Brianna, Mom, Dad, Stella, Ken, Ruthie, GGMa, Nanny, Michelle Y, Michael, Stephanie, Tim, Tyler, McKenzie, MJ, Timmy, Addison, and Donna. This group of people are my friends, mentors, drinking partners, and full on entertainment. Each of them possess skills, passion, and love that they share in varying degrees to each of the others in the group. Between two houses about four miles apart from one another, I get the chance to socialize, pontificate, and laugh with all of them. Some prepare fantastic food, others tell delightful stories, and some just straight up make me laugh. The little ones are fun to watch grow, play, and become mesmerized with the next gift or game. Heck, sometimes they become enthralled with nothing in particular and that is even more entertaining. We can be a formal bunch but not when we are all together. It’s shorts and t-shirts and you better get your athletic shoes out because the football will be flying. Each person wants to chat, even if they are staring intently on their blue screen of life.

This group that I proudly call my family consists of current teachers, former teachers, retirees, entrepreneurs, high up managers, protectors of citizens, students, widowers, athletes, has been athletes, and want to be athletes. We love, we share, we fight, but we are always family. Since we get to see each other more frequently than the average family you would think it would be boring to get together as a unit. Actually, it is far from it. Whether it is a malfunctioning television, a collision on the field of play, bad Wi-Fi, or a disagreement about how a game is played we are still family. The collision and disagreement aren’t always synonymous with the little ones. The big kids are good at this one as well. We are a tight bunch but another cool part of being in this family is that we love bringing others who don’t share our blood into the mix. They get treated just like we treat others and if you can hang, you are welcome to stay.

Christmas is an all-day affair for this group I love with every fiber of my being. We start at our house with Michelle preparing our traditional breakfast feast. We don’t start until about 8:00 now that Brianna is older. If you have little ones, hang in there, they will age out of 5:45 stocking calls. After a wonderful time opening gifts and eating we do a quick clean up and then pack it up to move the circus to my Dad and Stella’s house. This is the second half of the day. There are always brunch items to snack on and the shenanigans begin anew with the rest of the crew. We watch as the wee one’s devour their stockings and wait impatiently for the gifts to be handed out. Tyler is the lead elf and over the past couple of years, MJ has availed himself as quite the helper elf. Packages fly around the living room like an Amazon warehouse. There are timeouts called, sorry, once a coach always a coach, so that paper and gifts on the floor don’t become one. It seems like it will never end, but then, poof, and it is over. A quick trip home to alleviate the mess that has been left and it is immediately back for the remaining festivities. There are boat rides, football of varying degrees, new toys to play with, conversations to be had, some are deeper than others, and for Dad it may mean a nap or two. A second delicious meal is served, and if there is time after there might be more outside activities.

After such an exhilarating day you would think this would be a great conclusion. Oh, how wrong you would be. For years this just meant that it was time for the Nerf wars to begin. However, this year we had game night. Young, old, and in-between commenced to battling it out for some long hours. I almost forgot, the sangria was also flowing with a smoothness that made the evening even longer. At the conclusion of the battle, the victor staggered to his feet proclaiming his effort. I hate losing, but the battle was fair, incredibly fun, and just awesome to see so many of us having fun around a table with no phones to interfere. My little brother, Tyler, defeated all his older siblings, their better halves, and even two of their kids. It was time to call it a night, even though it was early into the next day. At 12:45 I put my head on my pillow, kissed my wife good night, and slept quickly thinking about how lucky I am to have the family I have.

Many times during the year I get to see them, sit and talk with them, but rarely do I get to enjoy them just as great friends. I love each of them, even when they may be hard to love. I think they probably feel the same way because I know, with my comments, that I am often hard to love. Time will pass, we will have to adjust seating again and again, but the family will continue to move forward with passion, grace, and the desire to love fully. Thank you all for your love and thank you for making every holiday we spend as a family unit one that I will always cherish. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to the crew that keeps me honest, smiling, and wanting more from life. Let’s do it again and keep chasing the dreams. Don’t let them go!

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