Kids, Get Uncomfortable

Having a large team has its benefits but also its downfalls. One of those is the inability to really spend time with the guys who don’t often travel with the team. When you have a roster of 16 and only travel with 8 there is a group that will always be left behind. There are rare occasions where the roles are reversed and those guys get to become the main players. Today was one of those days and it was an enlightening experience. I ask a lot of my guys and in turn they deliver on the court, the classroom, and when they leave to go out into the world. Tonight, the group that played away from home got the royal treatment of pointed questions. When they answered the first there was another one followed immediately by another. The reasoning behind these questions is to get them to think about what they are doing in college in the first place.

Let me preface this next paragraph with this: I am an American, I live close to home, and I am very comfortable. I push my players far beyond where I have gone because I see what I did wrong or passed up and do not want them to get comfortable with where they are. I want them to realize how much is available if they are willing to stretch a bit. On this beautiful Florida evening the main question was asking what they were going to be doing for internships and what they were looking for outside of school. The answers from the six involved in the conversation were sad if not alarming. Everyone wanted something close to home, some had not even started looking, and others were playing it safe and having fun this summer. I was amazed that some were not even pursuing internships in what they were studying. Why waste your time? Here was another question. “Are you planning on living with your parents when you finish school?” (Of course not was my thought) “Yes, I will until I find what I think I might like to do.” What? Are you kidding me? The next part was even more eye opening because they just don’t know. “Hey, you could go to ___________ country, couldn’t you?” “Yes, I might do that once I am established here.” My response was direct. “No, you won’t. Once you are established here you will not want to risk leaving because you will be making a living and won’t want to risk losing that to start over. Why don’t you go as soon as you graduate to see if you like it and maybe you could have success elsewhere.” His response is the reason for this entire post. “My mom likes to have me around and wants the best for me.” Really, the best for you is to not go to where you might want to go because your mom wants you close. Whose life are you living? Yours or your moms. This is not meant to be mean but you must do what you want or you will never live.

I am a parent with my own daughter who is chasing her dream. It is not mine or my wife’s. We would be negligent as parents to tell our daughter that she can’t do something because we want her close to us. She needs to experience things and to find out if she likes something by doing it. The more you do the more you find out what you like and dislike. Your opinion is invalid if you haven’t tried it or done it. I have 16 guys that I am accountable to every day. I cannot change how they were raised but I can let them know that it is okay to want more and to demand that they attempt more. I will not be their parents but I will also tell them that parents do want what is safe for each kid. Not always what is best. This last statement I feel is true because we hate to see our kids fail or suffer. Do we forget that we are what we are because of what we went through? Allow your kids to suffer and let them stretch. The most successful players I have every dealt with have put themselves in the most uncomfortable positions. Stretch, you may surprise yourself.